The Birds and the Bees
by Kairi Uzeniba
Summary: Konohamaru get curious about where babies come from and begins asking people. Totally hilarious fic. Somewhat a crackfic. Please R&R!
1. Ebisu

Welcome, humor-lovers! Well, you have to love humor if you're gonna like this. Well, let's get going!

**Chapter 1**

**Ebisu**

Konohamaru walked through the beautiful Konoha forest, heading for his 'special' training. (You know, Ebisu?) Then, out of nowhere, the strangest question popped into his head.

_Where do babies come from? _He thought.

He stared into the sky. He suddenly felt that he needed to know, and if he didn't know, he'd whine and complain. So he dashed off to his training. A few minutes later he was with his sensei.

"Ah, honorable grandson, welcome back to your training!" Ebisu said in his weird voice.

"Ebisu-sensei? I have a question for you."

"Yes, anything you want, honorable grandson, I'll explain thoroughly and clearly. What is it?"

"Where do babies come from?" There was a long pause. Ebisu froze entirely.

"Uh…honorable…honorable grandson I…can't answer that…for you…" he tried to say, stuttering each time.

"But you said, 'Yes, anything I want, you'll explain _thoroughly _and _clearly._'" Ebisu began shaking violently.

"Rr…rrr…rrrrrramanputshispen15inawoman'sv19naandthat'sthestoryoflifeforhumans!" he shouted so fast it was totally incomprehensible. (some of the letters I replaced with numbers because I really don't think the fanfiction administrators would like it if I spelled it out for real) "Now let's get to your training!" he said hastily.

After Konohamaru's training…

Konohamaru began walking back home, still disappointed that he didn't know where babies came from.

_I'll find out where babies come from! Ill find out even if I have to ask everyone in Konoha! In fact, I will ask everyone in Konoha! _

**That was really short, but I want to know if I should continue or not. PLEASE review! Anonymous reviews are accepted! I need to know what people think or I'll eplode! XD Well, hopefully I'll see you next time! **


	2. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke

**Welcome back! All I have to say is I hope you like this chappy. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

**Naruto, Sakura, & Sasuke**

Konohamaru still had a lot of the day left after his training, and his mind was still buzzing with possibilities about where babies came from.

Maybe the stork? Nah, if that was true there'd be storks flying everywhere all the time. Maybe they come in the mail? Nah, people have been born on Sundays. I can't figure it out. Hmm…what if I ask Naruto? He grinned and ran toward Naruto's apartment. He knocked on the door. He heard a whole bunch of tripping and cursing. Naruto finally ended up opening up the door. 

"Hi, Konohamaru! What's up?"

"Where do babies come from?" There was a pause. Naruto chuckled. And then broke out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Konohamaru said, angry.

"It's just…it's just the you…you…" Naruto stuttered before he broke out laughing again. Naruto shut the door.

_How about that one girl…Sakura? I think that's her name… _ So Konohamaru went to confront Sakura.

When he got to talk to her…(in the street somewhere)

"Hello, Honorable-Grandson! How are you?" Sakura asked. Konohamaru frowned at being called 'Honorable-Grandson'.

"Where do babies come from?" Sakura stared. She was about to explain how he shouldn't know until he's older, but then she saw Sasuke walking around town.

"Honorable-Grandson…I…" she kept staring at Sasuke, He was buying pecans. Nuts. Sakura giggled. Konohamaru was confused.

"Konoha-Grandson…" Sakura said, mincing words. Sasuke was now looking at marbles. Balls. Sakura giggled again. Konohamaru raised an eyebrow. Sakura was still giggling. Sasuke was moving a pecan around in his mouth. Sucking on nuts. Sakura laughed out loud a little.

"Sakura?"

"Huh? Oh, right. You shouldn't know abou…ooh.." Sakura stopped talking. Sasuke was clenching 2 marbles in his fist. Squeezing balls. Sakura started laughing as mature images came into her head.

_Ooh yeah, that Sasuke can really fu- _

_Inner Sakura! Get your head out of the gutter! _

_Look who's talking!_

_You probably put those images in my head! _Sakura was about to argue with Inner Sakura when she remembered Konohamaru was standing there, very confused.

"Uh…sorry Honorable-Grandson, I have to go!" Sakura shouted nervously as she shouted for Sasuke. A few minutes later Konohamaru went and asked Sasuke.

"Where do babies come from?" Sasuke raised his eyebrow.

"Why exactly do you want to know?" Konohamaru stared.

"Because…I want to be a mom!" Konohamaru said, making up a quicky-excuse. Sasuke stared.

"Dude…that's male-pregnancy…you can't do that…except in certain yaoi-fanfics, but this isn't a yaoi fic…"

"Nevermind then! I just want to know!"

"Eh…if you found out, everyone would think you watched someone have it."

"Have what?"

"Rr, nevermind. Just go away."

_No! Why wouldn't anyone tell me? It must be some complicated, well-kept secret! I must use my ninja skills to find out what it is! _

**Hope you enjoyed it! IMPORTANT NOTE: Usually there will only be one person per chapter, but this chapter would've been WAY to short if it was only Naruto. PLEASE review! Anonymous reviews are welcomed! Come back next time! **


	3. Kakashi, Jiraiya, Asuma, and Kurenai

**A/N: I'm so sorry!! I took forever to update! I'm gonna try and make this chapter a long one, k.?**

**Chapter 3**

**Kakashi**,** Jiraiya, Asuma, and Kurenai**

Konohamaru ran around the village, looking for someone he remotely recognized. So far, no good. As he left the village, he saw someone he barely knew. He was a gray-haired jounin who occasionally talked to Iruka-sensei. He went up to him and tugged at his shirt.

"Excuse me, sir?" Konohamaru asked in a little kid's voice. Kakashi turned around.

"Oh. Hello, honorable grandson. What is it you need?" Kakashi asked nicely.

"Where do babies come from?" No-one spoke for a while.

"Well, Honorable grandson-"

"I can tell you that! It's my expert!" came a weird, loud voice.

"Oh god…" Kakashi mumbled. It was none other, than the perverted, 50-year-old sanin, Jiraiya.

"Do you really wanna know where babies come from?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah, I really do!" Konohamaru shouted, getting excited.

"Jiraiya, have you no shame?" Kakashi intruded. "You can't tell something like that to a small child!"

"I don't have to!" Jiraiya stated proudly. He handed Konohamaru a big book. The front read:

From the Makers of Icha Icha Paradise:

Where Babies Come From

By Jiraiya the Sanin

"Jiraiya!! You wrote that book! It's probably full of obscene things and vivid pictures!"

"You betcha." he stated proudly. "I took all of the pictures myself, and used simplified language for tykes like Konohamaru." Kakashi was cool, so he didn't show it, but he was fuming and you could see a vein throbbing in his head. Kakashi snatched the book from Konohamaru.

"Jiraiya, you may be a sanin, but you're still a pervert-"

"And you aren't?" There was a short pause. When they looked down, Konohamaru was gone.

Why is everyone trying to hide it from me?! They all know, but they just won't tell me. I'll ask more people! Konohamaru thought.   
His perseverance gave him energy, so he ran. Soon he was in the forest. He knew that Naruto and other ninjas trained here, so there'd be people. He soon found a man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Asuma Sarutobi. He ran up to him. 

"Hello there. Your Konohamaru, right? Honorable grandson?" he said. But Konohamaru wasn't in the mood to chat.

"Where do babies come from?" There was a short pause. Then Asuma burst out laughing.

"Oh, geez. You're forward, arentcha?" Asuma said. He kneeled and put a hand on his head.

"You're not gonna tell me, are you?" Konohamaru said blandly.

"You'll know someday. But during that someday, I don't think I'll be the one to tell you anyway." Konohamaru then ran away. He found another trainer, this one a woman with crimson eyes. Kurenai Yuhi. Konohamaru didn't really know her, but he asked her anyway.

"Where do babies come from?" Kurenai was confused.

"Um…alright, first of all, I don't really know you. Second, you shouldn't be running around the forest when ninjas are training, especially when they're throwing sharp objects and might miss. Third, I can't really tell you where babies come from. You'll find out when you're older. Alright?"

Konohamaru ran away. He was pretty disappointed. He even asked people he didn't know very well and still didn't get an answer. Why do people think he has to wait until he's older? Why can't they tell him now and get it over with? In a few minutes, he was home, and rushed inside to his room. He flopped on his bed, fairly tired from all this running. He did some more thinking on where babies might come from.

_They fall from the sky? Nah, it's the same as storks, they'd be falling everywhere. And people might not catch them. You grow them? But then they might get out of season. Aargh!! Where the heck do babies come from??! _This was really getting him mad. It should be so simple! _Let's see…there's probably clues somewhere! Clues that will tell me! Let's see…sometimes I see ladies with babies coming out of hospitals, and there's cool equipment in hospitals…AH-HAH!!! That's just it!_

Konohamaru leaped from his bed and out the door.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Konohamaru walked up to the receptionist at the hospital.

"Excuse me, I need to know where the babies are, please. Could you tell me?" he asked.

"You've come to see a sibling?" she asked.

"A cousin, actually." She told him to follow some signs and go up a floor. He thanked her and eagerly went to see the babies. But when he got there, he only saw a room with a big glass window with babies inside. And the babies just sat there. There was no big machine that made babies like he'd thought. When a doctor walked by, he pulled him over.

"Excuse me sir, where is the big machine that makes the babies?" he asked politely. The doctor laughed.

"Oh, small child. Machines don't make babies. People do. But that's all I can tell you." And with that, the doctor was off. Konohamaru felt stupid. Duh! People make babies! It made so much sense! Now the only question was how. As Konohamaru ran from the hospital, it was beginning to get a little dark. He made his way home. He knew that he'd have all of tomorrow to figure out how people made babies. For now, he'd made a big discovery. This was sure to make his search easier.

Little did he know this really wouldn't help him much. In fact, it really wouldn't help at all.

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I hope the chapter helped exhale that long held breath, if there was one. But also—isn't Asuma Konohamaru's uncle? I mean, he can't be his dad, but he must be his uncle…anyway, please review, and I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to update sooner. Arigato, minna!**


	4. Hinata, Kiba, and Shino

**A/N: I'm trying to update as quickly as possible. I needed to update other fics, so this chapter probably didn't get up as soon as it could have. But enjoy!**

**Chapter 4**

Hinata, Kiba, and Shino 

Konohamaru sat with his back to a tree, thinking. How do people make babies?

_Jutsu? Nah, not all people are shinobi…magic? But what magic? Rrg!! What could it be?! _he frustrated, hitting his head.

He saw three young shinobi walk out from the forest. Konohamaru didn't even care about politeness anymore. He walked in front of them.

"Do you know where babies come from? I'm the honorable grandson, even if grandpa isn't hokage anymore, so please tell me."

Of course, you all know who Hinata automatically started thinking of. She began thinking of things. _Adult _things. _Private. Adult. Things. _Her face flushed at the thought of these things.

"Oh, Naruto! No, we mustn't! Not here!" 

"_Why not, my love? We may be in a park, but it's night time, no-one is here!" _

"_But darling, you don't even have any protection!" _

"_I love you too much for that! Pregnancy is a low possibility, and even if it happens, marriage can take place after the birth!" _

"_But Naruto-kun, we've already done it more than one before in safe places and with protection! Why do we need to do it here without?"_

"_Because I love you so much! I don't even care! Love me!" _

"_Oh, NARUTO!!' _

Hinatas face was red as a strawberry. She felt like she was about to explode. Without further notice she ran away from the group like a mad woman.

"Hinata?" Kiba called after her. Konohamaru stepped right in front of him.

"Where do babies come from??!" he yelled.

Kiba wasn't sure what to say.

"Uh, um. Rrg, huh…ask him." he said, pointing to Akamaru. Akamaru explained thoroughly and clearly. In barks that only Kiba and other dogs could understand, of course. As Kiba went after Hinata, Konohamaru stepped in fron of Shino.

"Where do babies come from?!?!" he screamed.

Shino also wasn't sure what to say. But this reminded him of a moment when he was little.

_4-year-old Shino turned the doorknob to his parents' bedroom. _

_As we walked in, he found his mommy and daddy acting weird. They were in bed, but they weren't wearing their pajamas. They weren't wearing anything! And they were touching each other a lot. They screamed as little Shino came in. He was just confused. _

"_Shino, PLEASE go away for a little while! Mommy and Daddy are doing something very important adult thing right now!" his mother shouted. _

"_But the toilet is clogged again," he said innocently. His mother smacked her forehead. _

"_Were you playing with the shaving cream and wood shavings again?" he asked, already knowing the answer. _

_Even though you couldn't tell behind Shino's little collar, he looked sheepish. _

"_But I added those little circle pills that daddy takes sometimes and it made it look more chunky!" he tried to assure, doing the exact opposite. _

"_You mixed my asprin with shaving cream and wood shavings??!" he screamed. _

"_And some moldy bak choy, a little toothpaste, and ink!" he stated proudly. Who knew that this little Shino would become a solemn guy who doesn't like to talk?_

"_Alright Shino-chan, we're going to have to punish you. But we need you to leave the room for a few minutes." his mother said. _

_Shino sighed and left the room. _

Shino silently giggled at this memory. He remembered the angry little boy in front of him.

"Uh," he mumbled. "You'll know when you're older." And with that, Shino followed his team.

This made Konohamaru furious. Why did he have to wait until he was older? He wanted to know now! Now!

He stormed away.

**A/N: I know that was a bit short, but I'm tired right now and it's nighttime. But I updated, and sorry for taking a while. Arigato, minna!**


	5. Team 8 & Random People

**A/N: I hope you like this chapter. I hope however long it took to update this wasn't too long. If anyone forgot who Team 8 is, it's Lee(LEE IS AWESOME!!!!!), Neji, and TenTen. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5**

Team 8 & A Few Random People 

Konohamaru didn't care about manners AT ALL anymore! He was sick of 'You're not old enough, Honorable Grandson' or 'That's not a question for someone like you to ask, Honorable Grandson' and on and on! He's already asked some random passerby where babies come from and not a single person even gave a hint! He saw a team training.

They're ninjas! They must know! Hopefully they'll tell me, he thought eagerly. He ran toward Team 8. 

When he got to Gai-sensei, he asked the infamous question: "Where do babies come from?"

Gai-sensei wasn't exactly prepared for this question. Yes, he knew, but he didn't exactly want to tell this kid. It was hard enough telling the class he taught(before Team 8).

"Uh…well…they just sort of…" he began. "YOUTH!!" With that he checked on how his team's training was going. Konohamaru ran toward the kid who looked almost exactly like Gai.

"Where do babies come from?"

Lee was stunned. He wasn't too comfortable talking about this subject.

"Well…babies are like clouds. They just sort of appear." he lied.

"But HOW?" he said, frustrated.

"Sorry. I'm busy training." he said, trying to get rid of this kid. Konohamaru ran away.

_Aargh!! This is looking hopeless, _he thought.

He ran up to TenTen. "Where do babies come from?" There was a short pause.

"Nowhere." she lied. "Babies are just a myth!" She was blushing, because this subject put Neji in her mind.

Konohamaru ran to Neji. "Where the heck do babies come from?!?"

Neji looked extremely scary right now. The lighting was just right so he looked like a giant(to Konohamaru, at least), and a solemn one at that. Konohamaru couldn't take the pressure. So he ran away.

_Why??! Why won't anyone tell me where babies come from!?! _he wondered angrily.

He ran up to a lady with a baby. "Where did that baby come from?"

The woman was weirded out. She walked away without saying anything. Konohamaru growled. He ran to a baby in a stroller.

"Where did you come from?" he asked, expecting an answer. Suddenly, a big burly man rose from behind the stroller.

"Quit talkin' to my son." Konohamaru ran away.

_I'm __going__ to find out where babies come from. _I will!!

**A/N: That was pretty short, but I just wanted to update. Sorry for the wait. I'll probably be updating sooner, though, cuz Summer vacation has begun! Please review, even if you have before! Arigato, minna!**


	6. Sand Siblings! And More

**A/N: Time for the long-awaited Sand siblings chapter! Let's start.**

**Chapter 6**

**Sand Siblings! And Some Other Stuff!**

Konohamaru had been asking random citizens all day, but none of them told him, obviously. He had to find _someone _who'd tell!

WITH THE SAND SIBLINGS…

"Kankuro, we told you not to leave your extra puppets in Konoha!" Temari scolded.

"Yea, but I swear I had them!" the puppet-master insisted. "One minute they're with me and they're gone the next! It wasn't my fault!"

Temari rolled her eyes. Gaara had his same old look; solemn and emotionless.

Konohamaru ran up to the sand siblings.

"Where do babies come from?" he asked Gaara.

Gaara stared at Konohamaru. He stared for a whole minute. Then, as he was about to kill him or seriously injure him, Temari stepped in.

"Gaara, go look at a squirrel or something!" she said as she pushed him further into the forest. "Kid, it's best you don't say anything to that guy, o.k.? He's not a people person."

"Fine. But can _you _tell me where babies come from?" Konohamaru questioned.

There was a pause. Temari scratched the back of her head. "Uh…well…ask him." She pointed to her brother.

"Do you know where babies come from?"

Kankuro was silent. "Uh…Temari, weren't you supposed to tell Gaara and me that a few years ago?"

Temari was sheepish. "Well, I, uh…let me just tell you now."

Temari whispered the explanation into Kankuro's ear.

"Really?" he said. "That's gross! Hey, is that what those two people were doing in that alleyway the other day—"

"OKAY KANKURO I think we're going to find Gaara and get your puppets," Temari interrupted, pulling him toward where Gaara went.

This made Konohamaru very mad.

_Why'd she tell him but not me??! _he thought angrily as he stormed away. _Why won't anyone tell me??! _

Konohamaru walked into a book store. As he looked at some baby books, he eavesdropped on some women gossiping.

"So I heard that Koigokoro and Juritsu did it last night."

"Really? They finally went all the way?"

"Yeah! They were at a bar and he took her to a love hotel!"

"Ooh, that's juicy! Wanna go tell Honoka?"

"Of course!" They ran off.

Konohamaru thought. _Just what is 'it'? This may be an important discovery._

Konohamaru walked up to a random guy. "Sir, what is 'it'?"

"It?" the guy responded. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I heard some ladies saying that 2 people 'Did it.' What did they mean?"

There was silence. The guy looked around. Then ran away.

Konohamaru groaned. _I'll ask some more people. _

But no-one told him. They either said it didn't mean anything or ran off just like the first guy.

_Obviously, 'it' has something to do with where babies come from, _he thought. _I'm getting close! Maybe soon, I'll find out!_

**A/N: Poor, dense Konohamaru. That kinda reminds me of those Ebay commercials. XD. Please review! This was also kinda short, but I hope that's o.k. I also think this fic may be ending soon. He has to run out of people to ask! I have an explanation all worked out –grins evilly and laughs- Well, tune in next time!**


	7. Iruka

**A/N: I'm back! Here's the update. This shall not be the last chapter. And neither shall the next one. Possibly the one after that, but maybe not. We'll see. Here are the people he has left to ask: Iruka(this chappy!), Orochimaru and the Akatsuki, Tsunade, maybe more. So I've got some chapters to go! Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 7**

**Iruka**

Konohamaru thought.

_What is 'it'? _Konohamaru thought. _Well since no-one seems to be telling me what 'it' is, maybe I'll find more people to ask. _

Konohamaru thought of people to ask. He was stuck! Who was left to ask?

Ding! 

Iruka-sensei, of course! He was so smart! Why hadn't he thought of that before?

AT THE ACADEMY…

"Alright, students," Iruka said. "Today we are going to keep practicing how to use a kunai and a shuriken. The technique is…"

As Iruka preached to the 5-and-6-year-olds, Konohamaru quietly snuck into the room. He stood at the back of the room for a while. Eventually, Iruka noticed him.

"Alright class, here are your worksheets," Iruka announced as he passed them out. After passing them out, he made his way to Konohamaru.

"Hello, Honorable gandson!" Iruka greeted.

_Great…_ Konohamaru thought. _Even when grandpa is gone they call me 'Honorable Grandson'…_

"Iruka-sensei? I was wondering if you could tell me where babies come from?" Konohamaru asked.

Iruka paused. "Uh…" He began to blush.

A little blonde boy student overheard.

"Yeah, where _do_ babies come from, Iruka-sensei?" the little boy asked.

"I wanna know where babies come from!" said the little raven-haired girl next to him.

Pretty soon, the whole class was in a loud uproar about where babies come from. They began to surround the still blushing Iruka.

"Alright, Iruka-sensei!" Konohamaru shouted, silencing the crowd. "We want to know where babies come from. Tell us. _Now._"

"Uh…" Iruka stuttered. "Well…there…uh…"

"Yes?" Konohamaru replied. "Keep going."

"A…" Iruka continued stuttering. "Well…there's…a sort of…a…sort of a…uuuh…rih…rich…ritual, thing…"

"Have you ever done it?" asked a curious little redhead girl.

"Uh…" Iruka thought. He remembered…

_Iruka sat at a bar. He'd already drunk about 8 bottles of sake. _

_Anko was sitting next to him. She'd drunk about 10 bottles. _

"_H-hey…Iruka-s-sama?" she sputtered. _

"_Yuh?" he replied lazily. _

"_You know what would be __really__ fun?" she said, bouncing her eyebrows. _

Iruka shook the memory away.

"No!" he lied hastily. "But…uh…other people…have…"

"Has hokage-sama done this ritual?" questioned a little hazel-haired boy.

"Uh…" Iruka thought. He remembered…

_On that same night, after Iruka and Anko were about to leave, Iruka looked across the bar. _

_Tsunade sat at that end of the bar. She'd drunk about 15 bottles of sake. Jiraiya sat next to her. He'd drunk 20 bottles of sake. _

"_H-hey…Tsunade-s-sama?" he sputtered. _

"_Yuh?" she replied lazily. _

"_You know what would be __reall__y fun?" he said, bouncing his eyebrows. _

Iruka shook away the memory…again…

"I don't know!" he lied again. "Look…you'll be taught the ritual when you get older, I promise! Hokage-sama won't let me teach it to you now. Get back to yours seats!"

The kids groaned and milled back to their seats. Konohamaru ran out the door.

_Not even Iruka-sensei told me! _thought Konohamaru. _I thought he would!_

Konohamaru sat on a bench. He was tired. There was graffiti on the bench. He read some of it. One of them said:

KOIGOKORO & JURITSU DID IT.

There were many others, too. And others said 'it' in them too.

_I have to find out what it is! _he thought. _I will!_

**A/N: I know that was pretty short, but I ran out of ideas! I don't have writers' block, though. Only for this chapter. PLEASE REVIEW! And return for the next chapter, too! Arigato, minna!**


	8. InoChoShika Trio, Anko, and Tsunade

**A/N: Welcome to the next chapter! In a review, someone reminded me…I forgot the InoChoShika trio! I have to put them here! Akatsuki people will be in later chapters. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

**InoChoShika Trio, Anko, and Tsunade**

Konohamaru walked along through the forest.

_Something tells I'm missing something…_ he pondered. _Something I forgot…_

He kept walking. Suddenly, something caught his eye. A team training!

_This is what I forgot! I must've missed them. I'll ask them where babies come from! I hope they'll tell me the answer!_

Konohamaru ran up to Ino.

"Where do babies come from?"

Ino paused.

"Uh…" she mumbled. "Well…they…uh…tell ya what, you leave me alone, alright?"

"Can you give me a hint?" he pleaded.

"Fine. Here's your hint: The tadpole finds the circle. Now go away." she said dryly.

Konohamaru moaned. He ran up to Choji.

"Where do babies come from?"

Choji munched his chips.

"Well…" he began. He munched again. He seemed to be in deep thought.

"Babies are like potato chips," Choji replied, taking a chip out of his bag and holding it in front of Konohamaru. "They exist. They're good for our ecosystem. That's all you'll ever need to know."

Konohamaru ran toward Shikamaru.

_He better tell me where babies come from! _Konohamaru thought.

Shikamaru was laying down, taking a break. Konohamaru ran to him.

"Where do babies come from?"

Shikamaru barely moved.

"Hm?"

"Where do babies come from?"

"Uh…" he moaned, sitting up. "Babies? Why do you wanna know?"

"Because the question popped into my head one day and now I can't stop thinking about it and I really wanna know and I want you to tell me because no-one will and I'm getting really mad!" he blurted, taking a large breath afterward.

"Alright, alright…" Shikamaru mumbled, saying something about 'troublesome'. "I'd be fine with telling you where babies come from—"

"Hooray!" Konohamaru cheered. "Someone's finally gonna tell me!"

"…but if anyone found out I'd told you, the consequences would be troublesome. You'll find out someday. Now leave me alone."

Konohamaru paused before running away as fast as he could.

_Darn it! _he thought angrily. _I was so close! I was so close I could almost taste it!_

As he threw his mental temper tantrum whilst running without really paying attention to where he was going, he saw Anko.

I'll ask her! he thought. 

He ran up to Anko. She was eating a small pork bun.

"Where do babies come from?"

Anko paused. She stopped chewing.

"Well, I…" she replied, fairly confused. "I like pork buns."

"That doesn't make sense!" Konohamaru yelled. "Just answer the question!"

"Sorry kid, I gotta go," she said, doing a quick, sloppy transportation jutsu. Konohamaru growled.

She wasn't even busy! Konohamaru thought. 

Suddenly, he remembered something.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

He ran into Tsunade's office.

"Granny Tsunade!" he yelled, copying Naruto with the 'granny' thing.

She looked up from her desk.

"Huh? What do you want?" she replied, looking up from her papers.

Konohamaru asked the horrid question.

Tsunade sat there looking at her papers.

"Babies, huh?" she responded.

"Yes!" Konohamaru yelled. "I really wanna know!"

Tsunade looked at 3 different papers, obviously not paying attention to his outburst. There was a short pause.

"Don't you remember?" she questioned.

Konohamaru hesitated. "What?"

"Don't you remember how you were born? It's only been 8 years, Honorable Grandson, you should remember," she scorned, secretly enjoying it.

"But, I, granny, I—"

"Not buts. You have bad memory. Now leave." the hokage replied, secretly congratulating herself for her work.

"Fine." he pouted. "Can I at least know what 'it' is?"

"Hm? 'It'? What do you mean?" she asked.

"I heard people say something about 'Doing it.'"

Tsunade paused. And bursted out laughing, leaving a confused and somewhat angry Konohamaru. After a few seconds, the hokage sent Konohamaru away.

_Rrg! _he thought. _I'm not making any progress!_

**A/N: A short update, yes, but I could really do much more with it, unfortunately. Please review!**


	9. Akatsuki and Orochimaru

**A/N: Sorry I took forever to update! Please Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9**

**The Akatsuki and Orochimaru**

Konohamaru walked alone in the forest.

_Rrrgh! When is someone gonna tell me where babies come from?! _he thought angrily.

MEANWHILE…

A tree house sat in a tall tree in the forest. There was a small sign on the door. It read:

* * *

NOT AN AKATSUKI SECRET BASE  
MADE FOR PLANNING TO DESTROY ALL OF  
KONOHAGAKURE

(really)

NO TRESPASSING

* * *

Voices were heard inside of this supposedly innocent tree house…

"Kabuto! I thought I told you to get _jelly _dougnuts!! Not custard!! Aah, damn it to hell!"

Inside the tree house was a very pissed off Orochimaru and a very worried-looking Kabuto. On the floor was a sad-looking box of custard doughnuts.

"But master, they were all out of jelly-filled doughnuts! Custard was the closest thing!" Kabuto insisted.

"Damnit!" Orochimaru yelled.

"Orochimaru-sama," came the voice of Kimimaro. He walked into the room. "Kisame is having some problems."

In the other room, Kisame was humping a dead shark. Fellow Akatsuki members were watching and occasionally Tobi would take pictures.

"Kisame, you know that thing is dead, right?" Itachi said.

"Yeah, but I don't wanna be a virgin forever!" Kisame replied.

"Kisame! Stop at once!" Orochimaru ordered. "Tobi! Give me the camera!"

Tobi hesitated. "But…I…"

"Give it!"

"If I can't have it, no-one can!" shouted Tobi. "Catch, Zetsu!"

Tobi threw the camera to Zetsu, who quickly ate it.

"Woah, you guys!" Itachi said, getting everyone's attention. "What if people found out this is how we act? Shouldn't be fearsome malicious villains 24/7?"

There was a long pause.

"Shut up," Saori said.

"Yeah," said Hidan.

"Ditto," said Deidara.

"Wait a minute, aren't all three of you dead? And you too, Orochimaru?" Itachi questioned.

…

MEANWHILE…

Konohamaru saw this tree house. Seeing it said it wasn't an Akatsuki headquarters, Konohamaru climbed up to the doorway.

_Knock, knock._

Kimimaro opened the door.

"Where do babies come from?" Konohamaru asked.

There was a long pause. All of the Akatsuki members looked baffled.

"I know how sharks do it, but I can't say I know how humans do it…" Kisame said.

"Well," Tobi said. "Evil lollipops like me don't reproduce like humans, we send out spores."

Itachi sighed. "Alright, kid. When a man and a woman love each other very much—"

"What if a man loves another man?" Kabuto asked.

"Yeah?" Kimimaro added. "What about that?"

"Why do you care?" Itachi replied.

"Cuz I love Orochimaru," Kabuto said bluntly.

"Hey, me too!" Kimimaro said.

"Well _I've _slept with him!" Kabuto shouted.

"Me too!" Kimimaro yelled.

There was a long silence. Everyone's heads turned to Orochimaru.

"What?" he replied. "I'm the Michael Jackson of the Akatsuki. I've been with everyone except Pein. And that's about to change."

Suddenly, a flush was heard and Pein walked out of the bathroom. "What did I miss?"

Orochimaru bounced his eyebrows. "Pein, I need to _talk _to you."

Orochimaru took Pein into the other room.

Itachi sighed. "So kid---hey, where'd he go?"

By this time, Konohamaru was far away.

_What a bunch of losers, _he thought.

**A/N: I know that was short and not very good, but I needed to update. Please review!**


	10. AUTHOR NOTE

**All readers of this fic!**

**I know Authors aren't supposed to put Author Notes as chapters, but it's important.**

**The next chapter will be the last one unless I can get a few ideas.**

**I have no idea who else he should ask.**

**I already have an idea for the end.**

**If there's ANYONE else you can think of,**

**REVIEW AND TELL ME WHO!!!!**

**So I either need some ideas, or the next chapter will be the last one.**

**REVIEW!!**


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